


Last Minute

by JAEMREN_ch1ld



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Angst, Character Death, Depression, Engagement, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Moving On, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 15:20:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30124788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAEMREN_ch1ld/pseuds/JAEMREN_ch1ld
Summary: Jaemin takes on the adventure of moving forward for his daughter, but is he really moving?
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 13





	Last Minute

**Author's Note:**

> hi??
> 
> i am back from.a hiatus. it was an unexpected hiatus i must say.
> 
> my grandmother died last january and it took a toll on me and this story is inspired and dedicated for her. 
> 
> i love writing and writing makes me feel better and this is where i let it all out, my raw emotions and my deepest pain.
> 
> i hope you ready yourselves bc this is gonna be sad as hell.
> 
> READ THE NOTE AT THE END OF THE STORY TOO!!

In times when pain is the number one enemy and time is the checker of reality, that's when Jaemin knows he has to stop. No matter how much pain he has inside, he has to let it go. But how? It still feels raw, like a fresh wound. It can't be touched by anything, not even water nor his own skin. He craves to get better, to be better, but how? When he's entangled with the past.

But alas, he knows he had to move on at some point. He feels within the touching vulnerable moment the experiences with his friend that finally, he slowly moves forward. It's slow, somehow uneven and a time-eater but he is moving.

Jaemin doesn't like to take it slow, he likes it to be flowy like the waves, so this is a new introduction for him. He's trying to let go in a slow, unsure, manner. No one knows if he's to move further. It can be destructive, also damaging, but he's willing to try, anyhow.

Donghyuck watches him, not because of guilt and responsibility as a friend, but as someone who witnessed his shattered pieces from before. Donghyuck watches him, carefully taps him if needed to be awakened from a dream. Donghyuck was, and still there for him.

Jaemin likes the smoke feeling inside his lungs, the reason why he likes cigarettes a lot, to a degree where he finishes a pack each day. It's soothing. Donghyuck is neutral about it, joining him sometimes when things get too crowded and overbearing. He appreciates the company, much better than being alone, inside his cramped up studio space.

"Are we still going?" Jaemin thinks, he always does, critically. Every decision conveys a reaction and a consequence. Can be frightening to the point of painful reminisce from the past and Jaemins does not like it. He gazes upon the leftover bottles of liquor on the coffee table and nods his head. "Thought you would change your mind last minute." Donghyuck chuckles, his new stick of smoke dangling at his lips.

Jaemin shakes his head. Moving forward means, last minute decisions should be minimal. How can he go on further if he's going to change his mind?

"Injun's been dead for three years. It's about time I visit my fiance's tomb." Jaemin loosely laughs. Death. Ha. Frightening. It's a dead end. No matter where you go, it's the last stop. "How's he, anyway?"

Donghyuck blows the smoke from his mouth , decorating the neon blue lights inside Jaemin's apartment. "Shotaro decorated his tomb with neon blue lights and brought his favorite jersey of yours."

Jersey. His fiance's favorite jersey of his. Sounds romantic, until the word death comes with it. Decorating his fiance's tombstones has been Shotaro's hobby when they visit his crematorium. Injun's dying wish was to give life on his death place, provide decorations if needed, and that's what they did.

At least, that's what his friends did. He hasn't visited Injun yet, it will be his first time since the burial.

Moving forward means revisiting the past with a new heart. He's not going because he wants to forget, but because he wants to see the lights visit him again. Just like how Injun introduced light to him and how he took it back as well. 

"Am I doing well, Hyuck?"

Is he doing well? Is smoking still a sign of his painful past? Is visiting his fiance's death place a good idea? He wants to get approval, he can't make decisions alone. Not when he feels that a decision should be done with Injun.

"Y..Yes. Yes. You're doing well, Jae." Donghyuck stands up from his slumped sitting and sits beside Jaemin on the sofa. He hugs him and whispers the word Jaemin fails to hear for years.

Tears start to fall, and everything is blurred. All he can feel are the tears and rigid breathing inside him. It's not a good idea to visit his dead fiance, but there's no better idea than that.

He knows it too well.




It's raining. The weather is agreeing. To a certain extent, he wants to make a last minute decision. But Donghyuck is here, Shotaro is here, and their adopted daughter is here.

"Are we finally going to see Baba?" Rena asks.

A beautiful name. Rena. Na Rena. It's Injun's idea. A beautiful name for such a beautiful kid. How can he cancel when after three years, Rena, now six years old, will see her other father's tomb for the first time? That's why Jaemin nods his head.

A car honking from the back of their car eases the pain creeping inside his heart. Shotaro squeezes his hands and smiles. It's a soothing smile, the same one he offered when Injun wished to see Shotaro's smile for one last time.

It's the same feeling, the heart clenching feeling he felt when Shotaro smiled for Injun that time. The only difference is that this time there are no tears, just the usual bright aura of his friend. The small unnecessary details he needs to forget keeps repeating inside his head like a broken cassette tape and it should be forgotten, right? But how? His friends don’t deserve to be forgotten.

He sighs. When will it end? When will he finally be able to feel the love Injun left for him? All he feels right now is the pain he left for him. It's inevitable but he wants to escape. He looks at his daughter, she's another reminder of what Injun had left for him to wallow. She is innocent, unlike what his mind keeps telling him. She’s vibrant, like how Injun was when he was alive. She’s lovely, like how Injun smiles. Everything reminds him of his late fiance and he should be fighting those urges of pulling himself down again and again but he can’t, not when Injun’s the one inside his heart until now. 

The car halts into a stop and Jaemin draws in his face towards the car seat window. They’re at IKEA. “Are we going to buy things for Baba?” Rena asks, her long strands of hair casually covering her face. Jaemin chuckles and uses his fingers to fix Rena’s long hair. “Daddy, are we going to?”

Jaemin nods his head. “Your Baba loves the IKEA sandwich here.” It’s not called an IKEA sandwich, it was just a term coined by Injun because he easily forgets the names of things and people, he eventually even forgot who Jaemin was. Jaemin gets out of the car first and kneels outside to carry Rena. 

Rena can’t walk, her legs can’t. 

“Why don’t you want to sit on your wheelchair today, princess?” He asks. Rena shakes her head and lets her head fall on his father’s shoulder. She murmurs a small ‘ I don’t want to’ and Jaemin just kisses her small ears. If she doesn’t want to, then he will let it go. It’s always been Rena who’s giving him space to be alone and the only thing he can do for his daughter is to be compliant on her small requests. 

Shotaro walks ahead, phone on his ears and an irritated look on his face. Jaemin looks back to see Donghyuck shushing him. Donghyuck eyes’ telling him to just let it go and walk normally. 

IKEA is still the same, same with the flowers in the entrance, same with the stocks of huge DIY furnitures reaching up above the high ceiling. There’s not much change, except on how Jaemin sees it. It’s vast, it’s wide, but it feels empty. Injun liked this place, according to him, it was the ideal place for him to spend his money in. He would buy unneeded tv stands, and new lamps just so he can decorate their old apartment. 

Jaemin looks at the aisles closely as his daughter peppers him with ‘wows’ and ‘i want this’. Jaemin follows Donghyuck to the end of the aisle of small lamps. “You can choose the lamp that you want to give to your Baba, Rena.” Donghyuck smiles and grabs Rena from Jaemin’s hold. “Your Baba likes small cute lamps and for his home, we need something small.” Donghyuck guides Rena. 

Jaemin is left alone with Shotaro who became quiet after talking on his phone. “Do you wanna go to the plant section? We can buy Injun a cactus.” Shotaro invites, not caring for the vibration of his phone coming out from his pocket. Jaemin nods his head. 

Injun likes plants, not necessarily a cactus but it’s what made Injun happier. Rena used to call their old apartment a green house with the amount of greenery inside and he finally understands why. “What would he like?” Shotaro asks him and he knows it so well but somehow, he can’t tell Shotaro the cactus Injun would buy out of impulse. Jaemin hums as a response, and moves to another section of plants. And he sees there, bunny ear cactus, Injun’s favorite because it resembles him. “Let’s get that small bunny ears,” Jaemin points out and Shotaro chuckles. 

“This is so him.” 

Yeah. Because it was his favorite.

Jaemin sees Donghyuck laughing with Rena, holding a small box of a LED lamp in her hands. “I’ll pay.” Donghyuck offers and before Jaemin retaliates, Donghyuck is already sending glares. 

Jaemin goes to pick up Rena from Donghyuck. "Let's buy his sandwich," Jaemin says, suggesting to Donghyuck that they will be waiting on the food counter.

It's heavy, it feels heavy for him to walk down the floorings of the hardware store without Injun. He has not visited the store for years, casually ordering all from online. He didn't want to remember any single memory of his late lover, it's tormenting.

But this is a step. According to Donghyuck, this is a step. Surging forward, visiting his late lover's favorite places, it's all Donghyuck's idea and he wants to thank Donghyuck, he really does, he just can't bring himself to be thankful. He's still not stable, nor fine, a thank you can wait. A wholehearted thank you can wait for him.

"I'll be in the car." Shotaro takes off first. He's been antsy ever since they arrived here, Jaemin can't blame him, even so. His friend is all by the edge, on and off with his girlfriend for months. "Sure." is what he only replied.

"Can you order by yourself?" Donghyuck speaks beside him, a small tote bag on his shoulder.

Jaemin looks back at the counter, the cashier lady talking to one of her co-workers, seemingly a normal scenery. But it feels new for him, suddenly everything feels so brand new to him. He hesitates, his hand finding its way to his daughter's right ear. He massages it and looks back at Donghyuck. "I...I can't do it yet, Hyuckie." He smiles pitifully.

  
  


It's just ordering a club sandwich, a normal sandwich but it seems like he can't fathom to even do that simple task. "Wait here." 

Jaemin watches Donghyuck go to the counter. The way Donghyuck talks, the way he orders, the way he pulls out his own cash, it all looks natural but it's such a shocker for Jaemin to even glance at it.

"Does Baba like sandwiches too, Daddy?" 

"He loves it. It's his favorite comfort food, darling." 




The car stops again, this time it really is their destination. It's Injun's home, his resting place, his period for his paragraph. The columbarium. 

Jaemin, this time, is the last one to step out of the car, a bouquet of flowers in his hands, yellow tulips blooming on the blue colored japanese paper. 

He heaves a deep breath. 

"Ready?" Donghyuck worriedly asks. 

Jaemin nods his head, he's ready.

"Daddy, hold my hand." Rena offers her small hand and Jaemin gladly takes it. They walk hand in hand with Rena on Donghyuck's hold. They walk towards the rows of other columbarium stands and every step they take gets heavy for Jaemin.

Shotaro stops. He turns around and smiles at Jaemin. "We're here, Jaem." 

Jaemin nods again, he lets go of Rena's hand and enters the row of urns inside a glass. 

Na Injun.

August 23, 20XX - April 27, 20XX.

"How..How did they allow you to use my last name?"

"Injun told me to register your marriage, a day before he died.." Donghyuck mutters, his eyes on Injun's blue colored glass. "He wanted to get married to you, but he knew it's almost time, so he told me to register it. And I did. He never asks for favors, you know? It was the first and last."

Jaemin stays silent. 

"That day, I..I asked you to sign papers, right? and asked for your passport? I registered your marriage that day. It's all I could do for him.." 

"..Let me be alone with him." are the only words he can let out, the tears are building up on his eyes and his sobs are getting too much.

"Sure," 

Then it becomes quiet. 

"Hi, love." He greets.

He places the bouquet on the holder and sits on the bench in front of it. "I'm sorry it took me a while to reach you. I was..I was scared to move forward..

..I didn't want to move ahead without you. It was too risky and scary for me.." The sobs from his throat slowly escaping as he tries to control it. "I can't bear seeing you there inside, ashes and a picture frame as your definition. I want to hold you, touch you, see you, smell you..but..but how? I feel so lost without you." 

He fishes the key from his pocket and opens the glass. He grabs Injun's engagement ring and places it close to his heart. "I..I want to marry you too. I..I want to give Rena another sibling too. I want to create a family with you too. But how? You're not here, you're not here anymore." 

He takes a deep breath and swallows the sobs coming out. "I moved out of our apartment, I left everything there. All of our furniture, Rena's old toys, everything because I can't see any place without remembering you. I want to forget you, I really want to because that's what you told me. I tried to act normal, Rena tried to make me feel better but I can't… I'm missing you so much.." 

He wipes his tears and combs his hair away from his face. "I..I started counseling, Injun-ah. I hope you're proud." laughs. "I also went to IKEA today to buy your favorite sandwich. I'm starting to do everything again. Thank Donghyuck for that, okay?" 

He removes his ring from his index finger and sets both rings on the top of Injun's urn. But as he touches the urn himself, he feels the sudden urge to cry again. The tears start to pool from his eyes. "Are..Are you trapped there? Does it feel..like cramped?" He starts to randomly ask questions to alleviate the wallow inside his heart. 

"Renjun-ah, this is the way to your sister's urn. Where the hell are you looking?" Jaemin stops talking.

"This columbarium is big. How the hell am I supposed to know?" 

The voice sounds familiar but at the same time, vague.

Jaemin snaps his head and looks at the person who sounded familiar. 

But all he sees are the soft brown locks and rounded glasses that circles the eyes of the guy which seemingly looks the same as the ones from Injun's.

"Injun-ah! Lee Injun! Injun!" He suddenly calls out. His eyes search for the guy. It was Injun, he can't be wrong. His feet run along the huge columbarium but he can't find the guy. 

Donghyuck scampers inside. "Jaemin-ah.."

"Hyuck..Hyuckie..I saw Injun, I just saw him. He was here..He was here!" Jaemin cries.

"Jaemin-ah.." 

"He was just here. He was wearing glasses and his hair was brown.. He was just here..Why won't you believe me?!" Jaemin kneels down, knees giving up from all the overbearing emotions. He cries on Donghyuck's hold. "He..was just here, Hyuckie.." 

"I'm sorry, Nana. I'm sorry." 

Lee Injun-- Na Injun had black hair and never wore any glasses his entire life.




  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this is not a one shot. no. 
> 
> this will be a chaptered series that i'm gonna write once i finished 'our children' 
> 
> this will also have a satisfying ending, idk if sad or happy but it will be satisfying.
> 
> i want to write a story based of my feelings from what happened last january until now. i want it to be authentic. jaemin's feelings here are my feelings and i hope it reached out to you.
> 
> n e way! see you on the next chapter?
> 
> as usual, leave a kudos if you liked it and comment your thoughts!!


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